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To Be 6 Again

(From Greta.)

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning
back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was
not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. "I'd like
to be six again, "she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl
of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear,
the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a
McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite
candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with
her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife
with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being
six again"??

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
"I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is going to
get it wrong.


SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE IT.


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posted by Patrick 6:55 AM

$ 50 DOLLARS IS $50 DOLLARS


(From Marian.)

MORRIS AND HIS WIFE ESTHER WENT TO THE STATE FAIR EVERY YEAR.
EVERY YEAR, MORRIS WOULD SAY,
"ESTHER, I 'D LIKE TO RIDE IN THAT
HELICOPTER."

ESTHER ALWAYS REPLIED,
" I KNOW MORRIS, BUT THAT HELICOPTER RIDE
IS 50 DOLLARS AND 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."

A FEW YEARS LATER, ESTHER AND MORRIS WENT TO THE FAIR.
MORRIS SAID, "ESTHER, I'M 85 YEARS OLD.
IF I DON'T RIDE THAT HELICOPTER NOW,
I MIGHT NEVER GET ANOTHER CHANCE."

ESTHER REPLIED, "MORRIS,
THAT HELICOPTER IS 50 DOLLARS AND $50 DOLLARS
IS 50 DOLLARS."

THE PILOT OVERHEARD THE COUPLE. HE SAID,
"FOLKS, I'LL MAKE YOU A DEAL.
I'LL TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR A RIDE.
IF YOU CAN STAY QUIET FOR THE ENTIRE
RIDE AND NOT SAY A WORD,
I WON'T CHARGE YOU! BUT IF YOU SAY ONE WORD,
IT'S 50 DOLLARS."

MORRIS AND ESTHER AGREED -- AND UP THEY WENT.

THE PILOT DID ALL KINDS OF FANCY MANEUVERS.

BUT NOT A WORD WAS HEARD.

HE DID HIS DAREDEVIL TRICKS OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
BUT STILL NOT A WORD.

WHEN THEY LANDED, THE PILOT TURNED TO MORRIS.
HE SAID, "BY GOLLY, I DID EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET YOU
TO YELL OUT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. I'M
IMPRESSED!"

MORRIS REPLIED, "WELL, I WAS GOING TO SAY SOMETHING
WHEN ESTHER FELL OUT,

BUT 50 DOLLARS IS 50 DOLLARS."


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posted by Patrick 6:51 AM

Irish king left a wide genetic trail...


(From Mal.)

Scientists say 3 million men are descended from Niall of the Nine
Hostages...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10892117/


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posted by Patrick 6:42 AM

Shopping


(From Pamela.)

My boss sent me this link and said she has saved a lot using this website:

http://www.quicktoclick.com/


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posted by Patrick 6:30 AM

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

(From Greta.)

Editor's Note: All comments about the humour should be addressed to Greta.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....
but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!"
she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric
bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place
to sit down!" .. So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because
there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was;
she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late
for the garbage?" ... The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though! My wife asked

"What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"


Can't you just hear him say all of these?

I love it.........this is the good old days

when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word

........ just clean and simple fun.


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posted by Patrick 7:33 AM

Great Site for New Yorkers

(From Dan.)

Yes, someone in the Bay State sent this:

http://nyc.gov/html/records/html/taxphotos/home.shtml


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posted by Patrick 7:26 AM

Check this maze out (All it did was piss me off)

(From Greta.)

DO YOU HAVE THE HANDS OF A BRAIN SURGEON OR DO YOU WRITE WITH CRAYONS ? I TRIED THIS 5 TIMES AND COULDN'T GET PAST LEVEL 3. I CHEATED AND USED BOTH HANDS ON LEVEL 3. I JUST COULD NOT MAKE IT TO LEVEL 4. I DON'T THINK IT'S POSSIBLE ! TRY IT . IF ANYBODY MAKES IT TO 4 LET ME KNOW. I WANT YOU TO DO MY NEXT OPERATION IF I NEED ONE ! SOUND HELPS.

Click here---> http://www.winterrowd.com/maze.swf


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posted by Patrick 7:22 AM

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