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Saturday, November 26, 2005
See Moviefone Short Films

(From Gene.)

Some really creative stuff here:

http://movies.aol.com/short_film_festival?pmmsid=1270086

Just a comment, this is an example of the future, someday we'll all be content providers.

Enjoy!


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posted by Patrick 6:32 AM
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Chicken With Stuffing

(From Greta.)

Here is a chicken recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing
- imagine that. I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are
not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked,but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN

6-7 lb. Chicken
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste
______________________________
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt,
and pepper.

Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.

Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.

Listen for the popping sounds.

When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across
the room, it's done.

And, you thought I couldn't cook......


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posted by Patrick 7:51 AM
Lots of Humor to Start the Day

(From Dan.)

Click here...


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posted by Patrick 7:45 AM
Some Interesting Facts...

From Andy.)

Editor's Note: Some of these sound like urban legends, but enjoy anyway.

In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."

As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October)! Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig." Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

In the late 1700s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man." Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board."

Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told, "mind your own bee's wax." Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile." In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . therefore, the expression "losing face."

Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced". . . wore a tightly tied lace.

Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades." To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck."

Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV's or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some ale" and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there." The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip."

At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts," hence the term "minding your "P's and Q's."

One more: bet you didn't know this!

In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem...how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations.

However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys." Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey."

(All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn't you.)

You must send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to unsuspecting friends. If you don't, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive and kill your mouse.


"If you can read this, thank a teacher".... "If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier."


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posted by Patrick 7:41 AM
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Now there's a store that pays us:


(Forwarded by Pamela.)

Brooklyn's new iSold It, part of a national chain that helps computer-shy pack rats auction their stuff through eBay. Bring in an old bike or an ex-boyfriend's drum set and they do the rest - posting the goods online and shipping them to the winner. You get a link to the auction and a check when it's done; they get 30% of the take. Since not everything sells, however, they judge your junk carefully, taking only the items that will earn at least $30.


You can view the entire article at:

http://www.nydailynews.com/city_life/thersday/story/361748p-308138c.html .


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posted by Patrick 3:36 AM
A Prayer for the Stressed


(From John.)


Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.
Also help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me always to give 100% at work...

12% on Monday,

23%on Tuesday,

40% on Wednesday,

20% on Thursday, and

5% on Friday.

Help me to remember...

When I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only four to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth!


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posted by Patrick 3:30 AM
The Honest Boss

(From Greta.)

Haven't we all had bosses like this:

Click here:

http://www.hallmark.com/wcsstore/HallmarkStore/images/products/ecards/nfg1969.swf


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posted by Patrick 3:25 AM
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Progress

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.


Thanks to random pithy quotes at this place:

http://jiltanith.thefifthimperium.com/

I don't think the site has a name.


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posted by Patrick 8:18 AM
Weird Web Link


(From Pamela.)

This a very weird (and disturbing) web link I came across....

http://catsinsinks.com/


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posted by Patrick 7:52 AM
Saturday Fun


(From Pamela.)

This funny even without speakers

Click here:
http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf


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posted by Patrick 7:46 AM
Friday, November 11, 2005
God Bless the Veterans


(From Gene.)

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,

who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,

who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet,

who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,

who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,

who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.



It is the VETERAN,

who salutes the Flag,

It is the veteran,

who serves under the Flag,


GOD BLESS ALL WHO ARE SERVING AND ALL THOSE WHO SERVED !!

posted by Patrick 12:39 PM
New Parrot


(From Gene.)

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted
a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said
$50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should
tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of
prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the
bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her
living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said, "New house, New madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but
then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw and said,

"New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and
the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the
situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith."


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posted by Patrick 12:08 PM
WEIRD AL - EBAY SONG - VERY VERY FUNNY


(From Greta.)


Go to this site:

http://tinafolsomphotography.com/ebay_song.html


then,

TURN UP YOUR VOLUME!!!


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posted by Patrick 11:49 AM
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Enjoy, and Send it on!!

(From Pamela.)

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied.

"Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! . Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing." Remember the five simple rules to be happy:


1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Pass this message to 7 people except me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow.

Now, STOP! Did you hear what I just said. You WILL receive a miracle tomorrow. So send it right now!


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posted by Patrick 3:28 PM
YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT *677

(From Greta.)

I knew about the red light on cars, but not the *677. It was about 1:00p.m. in the afternoon, and Lauren was driving to visit a friend. An
UNMARKED police car pulled up behind her and put his lights on. *Lauren's
parents have always told them never to pull over for an unmarked car on the
side of the road, but rather to wait until they get to a gas station, etc.

Lauren had actually listened to her parents advice, and promptly called *677
on her cell phone to tell the police dispatcher that she would not pull
over right away. She proceeded to tell the dispatcher that there was an
unmarked police car with a flashing red light on his rooftop behind her.
The dispatcher checked to see if there were police cars where she and there
weren't, and he told her to keep driving, remain calm and that he had back
up already on the way.

Ten minutes later 4 cop cars surrounded her and the unmarked car behind
her.

One policeman went to her side and the others surrounded the car behind.
They pulled the guy from the car and tackled him to the ground. The man was
a convicted rapist and wanted for other crimes.

I never knew about the *677 Cell Phone Feature, but especially for a woman
alone in a car, you should not pull over for an unmarked car. Apparently
police have to respect your right to keep going to a safe&quiet; place. You
obviously need to make some signals that you acknowledge them (i.e. put on
your hazard lights) or call *677 like Lauren did.

Too bad the cell phone companies don't generally give you this little bit
of wonderful information.

*Speaking to a service representative at **Bell** Mobility confirmed that
*677 was a direct link to State Police Dispatch. So, now it's your turn to
let your friends know about *677.

Send this to every person you know; it may save a life.


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posted by Patrick 3:17 PM
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Massachusetts Golfer in Ireland


(From Dan.)

A Massachusetts golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.
Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big
bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over
the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me
fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want
anything. I'm just glad you're okay, and I apologize. I really didn't mean
to hit you." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and
square that he got me, and I have to do something for him.
I'll give him the three things I would want - a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the Massachusetts golfer is
back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just
want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact, that's the first bad
ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally famous golfer now."

He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game, ya know. And tell
me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win fortunes in golf. If
I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills didn't even
know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly,
"It's OK"

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did
good job. How many times a day?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes
twice a week."

"What?!?!" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or
twice a week?!"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in
a small parish."


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posted by Patrick 1:28 PM
Men vs Women

(From Greta.)

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with
me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)


I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can
take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?"

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl
notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for
your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the
store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee
each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top
of several pages, that it indeed .........."HEBREWS"


.

posted by Patrick 1:21 PM
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Lost In Translation?

(From Greta.)

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud.
You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by
the end of the conversation. This has been nominated
for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a
hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia,
which was recorded and published in the Far East
Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."


RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor
sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry,
scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know
what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow
Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying
'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be
fine."

! RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad! ?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

S: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem,
Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."


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posted by Patrick 6:00 AM
THE BASIC LAWS OF HUMAN STUPIDITY


(Forwarded by Gene.)

As unbelievable as it sounds, there are some basic laws:

See Here....


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posted by Patrick 5:55 AM



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