Pamela's Page of Stuff

SIXTH GRADE RESEARCH

(From Marian and Pamela.)

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabITed by mummies and they
all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The
climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabITants have to live
elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any
ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten
commandments.

He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people and
without them we wouldn't have history.

The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from
an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a
dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped,
hurled biscuITs, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they
thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:
"Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was
cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a
queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops
they all shouted "hurrah."

10. IT was an age of great inventions and discoveries.

Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.

Another important invention was the circulation of
blood.

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking.

Sir Fransis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

11. The greatest wrITer of the Renaissance was
William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous
only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and
hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an
example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by
Juliet.

12. WrITing at the same time as Shakespeare was
Miguel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great
author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost." Then
his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin
Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence.

Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats
backwards and declared, "A horse divided against ITself cannot
stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest
Precedent.

Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in
a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln
freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On
the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and
got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show.

They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical
composITions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced
on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died
from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in
the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian
and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.
He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the
forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great
many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand
and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the
steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick
invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles
Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.

Madman Curie discovered radio.

And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.