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Father's Day Gift Selection Made EasyMonday, May 28, 2007
(From Pamela.)
Since the Father's Day is fast approaching here are the do's and don't of gift buying. Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1
When in doubt-buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have to many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey Tom, can I borrow your ratchet".
"OK. By the way, are you through with my 3/8 socket yet". Again, know one knows
why.
Rule # 3
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. If you are from a place that don't have much ice, then a good he-man bumper sticker will do just fine. No one knows why.
Rule # 5
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones he has worn out. If you have a lot of money buy him a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips.
Rule #6
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 25 years. A six pack of beer will do just fine.
Rule # 7
Do not buy any man an industrial size canisters of after shave or deodorant. A small
bottle of Old Spice and a small can of Right Guard will do just fine.
Rule #8
Buy men label markers. Almost as good as a cordless drill. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks, shorts, cups. Door, locks, sink. You get the picture. No one knows why
Rule # 9
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will
ruin his special day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10
Good places to shop for men include Northwest iron works, A1 lumber, Lowe's, NAPA auto parts, Sears Clearance Centers, and sporting good stores are excellent men's stores.
Rule #11
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook-but will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue grill with a 100 pound propane tank.
Rule #12
Tickets to a football game are a great gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to the Ballet. Everyone knows why.
Rule # 13
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why, please refer to Rule # 8 and what happened when he got a label maker.
Rule # 14
It's hard to beat a real good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule # 15
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origin, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8 inch manila rope. No one knows why.
.
posted by Patrick 4:14 PM
How Smart Are You?
(From Nora P.)
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately OK?
Let's find out just how clever you really are....
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic!
Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 30.
Add another 1000.
Now add 20.
Now add another 1000.
Now add 10.
What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right....
....Maybe.
Fourth Question:
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He just has to open his mouth and ask...
.
posted by Patrick 5:31 AM
The UniverseSunday, May 27, 2007
(From Pamela.)
Try this web site and turn up the sound. This clever piece originated in Australia. It's also very informative. Just click once on the link below.
Be patient. It will start by itself.
http://dingo.care-mail.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf
.
posted by Patrick 5:04 AM
The Seamstress
(From Pamela.)
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My
dear child, why are you crying?"
The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and
that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for
their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble
set with pearls.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked
The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble
ringed with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is
this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
The seamstress replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along
the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared
under the water.
When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are
you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress .
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord It is a
misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would
have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have
given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not
be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes'
to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and
honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed,
All Us Women
.
posted by Patrick 6:13 PM
