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Modern Day MannersFriday, November 10, 2006
(From Bob.)
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students:
"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go pee."
"That would be rude and impolite! ! !"
"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry , but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be
right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word
bathroom at the dinner table."
"And you Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence
for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I
have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope
you'll get to meet after supper."
The teacher fainted.
.
posted by Patrick 12:23 PM
Job DescriptionSaturday, November 04, 2006
(From Gene.)
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers
did for a living. All the typical answers came up--fireman, mechanic,
businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, CPA, architect, engineer,
political consultant, and so forth.
But little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the
teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an
exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front
of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the
offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with
him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the
other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin
aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and
is helping to secure the nomination of Hillary Clinton, but I was too
embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.
.
posted by Patrick 1:24 PM
Exchange between Two Superpowers
(From Gene.)
"It is said that, just before the Sino-Soviet split, Nikita Krushchev had a tense meeting with Zhou Enlai at which he told the latter that he now understood the problem. 'I am the son of coal miners,' he said. 'You are the descendant of feudal mandarins. We have nothing in common.' 'Perhaps we do,' murmured his Chinese antagonist. 'What?' blustered Krushchev. 'We are,' responded Zhou, 'both traitors to our class.'"
---Christopher Hitchens reviewing Peter Y. Sussman's Decca: The Letters of Jessica Mitford in The Atlantic Monthly.
.
posted by Patrick 8:56 AM
Proof of Ownership
(From Gene.)
For our international colleagues, the FHA is the US Federal Housing Authority.
Proof of Ownership
You gotta love this lawyer - It's too good not to share! Everyone who has ever bought a house will enjoy this.
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
'For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition.
'Now, the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.
"God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
"Now, may we have our dxxx loan?" [He got the loan.]
.
posted by Patrick 8:51 AM
