archives

Danger While Fueling Your Car


(From Bob.)


The Shell Oil Company recently issued a warning after three incidents in which mobile phones (cell phones) ignited fumes during fueling operations

In the first case, the phone was placed on the car's trunk lid during fueling; it rang and the ensuing fire destroyed the car and the gasoline pump.

In the second, an individual suffered severe burns to their face when fumes ignited as they answered a call while refueling their car.

And in the third, an individual suffered burns to the thigh and groin as fumes ignited when the phone, which was in their pocket, rang while they were fueling their car.


You should know that:
Mobile Phones can ignite fuel or fumes

Mobile phones that light up wh!n switched on or when they ring release enough energy to provide a spark for ignition

Mobile phones should not be used in filling stations, or when fueling lawn mowers, boat , Etc.

Mobile phones should not be used, or should be turned off, around other materials that generate flammable or explosive fumes or dust, (i.e. solvents, chemicals, gases, grain dust, etc.)

To sum it up, here are the:

Four Rules for Safe Refueling

1) Turn off engine
2) Don't smoke
3) Don't use your cell phone - leave it inside the vehicle or turn it off
4) Don't re-enter your vehicle during fueling

Bob Renkes of Petroleum Equipment Institute is working on a campaign to try and make people aware of fires as a result of "static electricity" at gas pumps . His company has researched 150 cases of these fires.


His results were very surprising:

1) Out of 150 cases, almost all of them were women.
2) Almost all cases involved the person getting back in their vehicle while the nozzle was still pumping gas. When finished, they went back to pull the nozzle out and the fire started, as a result of static.
3) Most had on rubber-soled shoes.
4) Most men never get back in their vehicle until completely finished. This is why they are seldom involved in these types of fires.
5) Don't ever use cell phones when pumping gas
6) It is the vapors that come out of the gas that cause the fire, when connected with static charges.
7) There were 29 fires where the vehicle was re-entered and the nozzle was touched during refueling from a variety of makes and models. Some resulted in extensive damage to the vehicle, to the station, and to the customer.
8) Seventeen fires occurred before, during or immediately after the gas cap was removed and before fueling began.

Mr. Renkes stresses to NEVER get back in to your vehicle while filling it with gas

If you absolutely HAVE to get in your vehicle while the gas is pumping, make sure you get out, close the door TOUCHING THE METAL, before you ever pull the nozzle out. This way the static from your body will be discharged before you ever remove the nozzle.

As I mentioned earlier, The Petroleum Equipment Institute, along with several other companies now, are really trying to make the public aware of this danger. You can find out more information by going to < http://www.pei.org/> Once here, click in the center left of the screen where it says "Safe Refueling".

I ask you to please send this information to ALL your family and friends, especially those who have kids in the car with them while pumping gas If this were to happen to them, they may not be able to get the children out in time. Thanks for passing this along.


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posted by Patrick 6:16 AM

9 Things I Hate About Everyone


(From Pamela.)


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?


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posted by Patrick 7:35 AM

Blonde Joke


(From Pamela.)


A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way,
but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go
out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and
give it a try!"

The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the
side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep
in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot
gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim,
kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp.

Lying nearby were seven more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.

The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes
heaven-ward and screaming in great frustration, she shouts out,

"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"


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posted by Patrick 4:31 PM

New Politically Correct Terminology


(From Greta.)


Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is
"VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

6. S he is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED"

8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is
"MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY
REPETITIVE."

10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She
is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."

12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW
COST PROVIDER."


HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed
a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

4. He is not " BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers
"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes
"ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops
a case of "RECTAL CRANIAL INVERSION."

8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE
EMPATHY."

9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is
"RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his
pants - It's "REAR CLEAVAGE!"


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posted by Patrick 9:55 AM

School Teacher Arrested!



(From Gene.)

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later
discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested
trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler,
a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the attorney general
said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with
carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," a Justice Department
spokesman said. "They desire average solutions by
means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents
in a search for absolute value. They use secret code
names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns',
but we have determined they belong to a common
denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in
every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes".


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posted by Patrick 6:23 PM

Long Island Barbies


(From Pamela.)


For anyone who is from LI, has visited, or just curious.... These are pretty
accurate portrayals.

-------------------------------------

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie dolls for
the Long Island market: (this is Suffolk County Version)

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Patchogue Barbie - This modern day retro Barbie comes with 2 teeth, acid
washed jeans, leg warmers, white Reeboks, feathered hair & a double ring
belt (yes, it is 2004). She also comes with Ken, her brother/boyfriend,
complete with house arrest bracelet & Dodge Neon. Parole officer sold
separately.

Brentwood Barbie - This spanish speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984
Toyota with expired temporary plates & 4 baby Barbies in the backseat (no
car seats). The optional Ken doll comes with a paint bucket lunch pail & is
missing 3 fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for
Brentwood Barbie or Ken.

Wyandanch Barbie - This Barbie comes with hoop earrings, hair weave, food
stamps, a bus pass, a search warrant, & a court date. She also comes with 3
babies & 3 different Ken's (Baby's Daddies). Each Ken comes with his own bag
of weed (sold separately & on a street corner).

Nisseqogue/Bell Terre Barbie - This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks
Fifth Avenue. She comes with an assortment of Coach handbags, a Lexus SUV, a
long-haired dog named Honey, & a 3500-square foot house. Available with or
without tummy tuck & face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
"augmented" version.

Selden Barbie - This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford
Windstar minivan & matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily & has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone included,
headset sold separately.

Hampton Bays Barbie - This recently paroled former "Porn Actress"
Barbie comes with a Chevy with dark tinted windows, & a meth-lab kit. This model is
only available after dark & can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small,
untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are
talking about.

Setauket Barbie - This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW
convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, &
country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken &
Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Riverhead Barbie - This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans 2 sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, & Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has a six-pack of Coors Light & a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5' & kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her
pickup truck separately & get a Confederate Flag bumper sticker absolutely
free.

Port Jefferson Barbie - This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a
leopard print bikini outfit & drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining
friends at the McMansion. Percocet prescription available.

Ronkonkoma Barbie - This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut Ken out of Bristol Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, & a see-through halter top. Also
available with a mobile home.

Huntington Barbie - This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, & Birkenstocks with
white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want
or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase 2 Huntington Barbies & the optional
Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Deer Park Barbie - This Italian Princess Barbie comes with teased black
hair, 12 gold chains, 7 gold bracelets, 8 rings & 1 ankle bracelet. Included
are a permanently attached cell phone & a black Monte Carlo with ILUVTONY
license plates. The accompanying Ken doll has been replaced with a black
haired Tony doll with hairy chest & gel/hairdryer kit.

Fire Island Barbie - Used to be Fire Island Ken, but got a sex change
operation.


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posted by Patrick 7:16 AM

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