Pamela's Page of Stuff

REAL MEN QUESTIONNAIRE

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Know this,
and you will have come far in understanding men and enriching your own life...

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you
are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship,
they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is
capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping
out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence
all over the entire Earth. You decide to:

> > A. Present it to the President of the United States.
> > B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
> > C. Take it apart.
> >
> > 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you
> > miss the
> > most?

> > A. Innocence.
> > B. Idealism.
> > C. Cherry bombs.
> >
> > 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

> > A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for
> > narrow- minded social conventions.
> > B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
> > C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only
> > really
> > sportsman-like way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have
> > to
> > have him killed.
> >
> > 4. What about hugging another male?

> > A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
> > B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
> > C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home
> > run to
> > win the World Series, you may hug him, provided that:

> > (1) He is legally within the base path,
> > (2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and
> > (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause
> > fractures.
> >
> > 5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

> > A. A cat.
> > B. A dog.
> > C. A dog that eats cats.
> >
> > 6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and
> > intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. One leisurely Sunday
> > afternoon the two of you are taking it easy- you're watching a football
> > game;
> > she's reading the papers-when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
> > tells
> > you that she thinks she really loves you, but, she can no longer bear
> > the
> > uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says
> > she's
> > not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe
> > that you
> > have some kind of future together. What do you say?

> > A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you
> > don't
> > want to rush it.
> > B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot
> > honestly
> > say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and
> > you
> > don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
> > C. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and
> > seventeen.
> >
> > 7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to
> >
> > spend the rest of your life with her sharing the joys and the sorrows,
> > the
> > world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

> > A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
> > B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and
> > when
> > she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in
> > her
> > eyes, you tell her.
> > C. Tell her what?
> >
> > 8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to
> > get
> > your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

> > A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
> > B. "They're in school already?"
> > C. "There are three of them?"
> >
> > 9. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

> > A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes
> > so
> > large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your
> > legs.
> > B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and
> > has to
> > be handled with tweezers.
> > C. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks
> > the
> > garbage regularly in case somebody - and we are not naming names, but
> > this
> > would be his wife - is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which
> > she is
> > frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate
> > relationship with it than with her.
> >
> > 10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the
> > fact
> > that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before
> > they
> > finally got to the Promised Land?

> > A. He was being tested.
> > B. He refused to ask for directions.
> > C. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they
> > finally
> > got there.
> >
> > 11. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

> > A. Democracy.
> > B. Religion.
> > C. Remote control.
>